POKER GAMES

You could sit for one day,
You could sit for an entire month,
And everything you write,
You may never share.

Because it just doesn't feel right.

Just like poker players.

Living by feelings?

Is that possible?

Is that allowed?

Am I going to live
Life with a poker face on?

Should I turn my cards over?

Wait and see what the dealer slides my way?

Poker players think
The same things.

They walk away from a bad hand,
They put their poker faces on and lie,
They bluff about their strength,
They are hoping to catch a break,
They desire to make the right choices,
They hate losing,
They start over many times,
They learn to deal with their emotions.

I love playing poker!

I have lost more
than I have gained
By bluffing.

Bluffing to myself!

I still want to play though!

I want to feel alive,
And make choices.

Each of those choices
Will look very different
In my life.

Should I wait for the turn card?

Is this the best hand right now?

Should I bet it?

Make a choice
And "something"
Will happen.

That "something"
May change my life today
or the rest of my life.

Of course I want to know
What the next card is?

I don't get to see that next card.

No one gets to see the next card.

But that does not mean you do not play!

Some of our lives
Become an aftermath
Of a bunch or bad hands.

Sometimes you lose. Lose Big!

Sometimes you win. Win Big!

Sometimes you don't even know you
Have The best or the worst hand.

Keep coming back to the table!

Start to trust yourself.

Know when you need to
Play your cards or fold.

The more you play,
The better you get.

Live now. Do not wait.

Have you got the best hand?

Or

Is your best shot at life.becoming A dealer?

 

Choices.Choices.Choices

Make some!

I HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE

There are places between people
full destinations we sometimes
fail to see....

But we wanted to take that trip.

There is a fullness, an open feeling
between those who help you love
yourself and those who want all
your love...

We never wanted to take that trip.

Somebody is always smiling if
they want to but tears are not
always flowing by choice...

Pain does not come in a
pretty little package
and turning back will never
fill up your suitcase...

And somehow we forgot our sunscreen.

We laugh at ourselves and all is well.

We roll our eyes and judge before a
single second has passed between
us....

And we seem to wonder why
all the lines get...

bigger
longer
quieter

It happens when you do
not converse with the person in
front of you or divert eye contact
just when you see an old friend
or you fall to the magazine
section of your aisle just as
an old lover begins to pass....

The past is not your enemy
your memory might be

Pack all your warm clothes
and seek the comfort of
your winter socks

Did you buy the ticket?

Are you going somewhere warm?

Does it all change when you leave?

Someday you might offer for someone
to travel with you....

You may buy the ticket...

You may even get your spending
money ready .....

But we learn
don't pack just yet.....

Watch the weather channel

Make sure you know where
you will touch down....

Disappointment will not kill you!

Regret is a slow death!

Live your Life
and stop building
airline miles on
your credit card...

For lots of reasons!

FRIDAY'S

This Friday will be
like no other I have
had in my life

Today....

Friday....

This Friday...

One wants to leave the nest

One wants to begin to cradle an egg

One wants their disease to just be
still, don't move, just be

One wants justice

One wants be heard

One wants someone to see
weightloss may not be a desired
but it is a symptom of stress

One will for the first time ask someone
they love to look deeper into their own soul

One becomes a grandmother, another
a grandfather ... knowing all the while
they are parents too

One would give anything to be
the one giving life .. months
from now

One asks for answers that
really are only perceptions
it becomes connection to self-worth

Fear, Anxiety, Loss, Tragedy.....

Yes, Yes... they can make you stronger ...

Let someone feel fear
Let someone feel anxiety
Let someone feel loss
Let someone feel tragedy

In their on way and time...

Don't disappear from this time
when you part of the healing

The people you love are not
DVD's you own....
Some days you love that movie
and you watch it

Some days it is harder to find
it, too much work to get it back
from your friend
so you don't watch it

The answers to healing become
small little perfect snapshots
in our minds...

And for the first time you
want to see a still photo of yourself

Strength is in wisdom
Wisdom is in experiencing life
in all directions...

No-one sounds the bell when you
are really happy.... No-One Knows

No-one will sound a bell when you
are grieving and lonely in your mind...
No-One Knows

It is Friday, a Friday like no other...

Sound your bell!

Where are you at?

Be the "One"

WHEN THE WIND CHANGES

Everyone loves the change of seasons...

We crave the season to come and long
for the season before the one we are
in...

The sun is shining today and
the wind changed directions
about three times ....

But...

Coming back to the same place
time and time again
seems to be all we know...

Unless you are brave...

You have to be brave to change
your seasons ....

You have to be brave to change
the winds in your life....

There will always be something
about letting go and holding on
that is working in all our lives...

And I often notice that I never
can end a sentence (......) seems
to be my idea of a (.) period

How much of this is true?

That you need to be brave to
make change?

That I never really end a sentence
on paper?

Both seem to be the truth
in the world I swim around
in daily...

Backstroke....

Don't hold your breath....

Keep your arms moving....

Just float....

let it happen ... float....

Place before me a person
who adores the season they
are in, the wind blows across
their face just as they like it,
they know how to let go of everything
and hold on to what some would call
nothing, they swim with grace, float
like a fishing boat that has just
found its' right depth ... and they
let it all happen... just happen...

I would then say...

Standing in front of me is
the most honest person
I would ever know....

My dots do not end, my questions
reach new heights daily and those
that are brave teach me ...

today is the day...

today is like no other.

HAUNTED NO MORE!

If I spent every second
waiting on this moment
it would have never arrived

It would not be here
There would be no day like this

There is something in my
belly turning and every town
is the same.

So why?
And you did?

What I am leaving
and what I would be
going to ... I just think....

No, now I know...

I would going around the world
Eventually every
town is the same.

Scary to come out of the
corner from where you are

Terrifying to be there
first with nothing to
fight through.

Tacit...
Can't stand that word Tacit...

But with this little trip
no longer haunted
I cozy in the sun
and watch the lake roll.

THE VEHICLE

You were my prized possession
One of a kind
Not another like you in the world
I turned you quick, made you fast
And beat on you with each ounce
Of pain I endured
When I hurt I gave you no fuel
Instead I ran you on empty, pushed
Down on the gas pedal and watched you
Burn.
When I felt empty and alone I would polish
You, clean the chrome, and make you sparkle
Take you down to the strip and used you up for
That one evening that would put miles on you
For life.
Until one day.
I found courage and lifted the hood and took a good
Look at the engine

SWING

Swing batta' batta' Swing
It's going. going...gone
Oh what a pretty strike
You gotta' swing, right?

Of course you swing!

Of course you search for
Peace and reflection in your life
But we all know that means you are
Slowing down, doing less, asking for more....

Who told you that?

You can't believe this to be true..

It is all timing
Right place
Right time
Right stare
Right lie
Right energy

Maybe even .just the right year..

Something like wine.

Your second chances are not
Always yours .
You may want
Another pitch .

But..

Swing Batta' Batta'

One whiff.

Two whiff.

Three.

As you see it coming
Coming right at you
You know it is coming

It is like the pitch you do
Not want, but know you
Have to hit.

Make contact . Hold your ground

And you do not get it..
Another chance..
Another pitch..

You sure as hell don't get another kiss...

Make Contact. Hold your ground

Swing!

THE STORY OF LOVE LETTERS

Some where along your life
you may realize that the
written word is powerful.

That putting your thoughts,
dreams, fears, frustrations,
on a single piece of paper
could be so powerful.

But the things in your
mind
And the things in your
heart

Are there for you to share!

All the good & loving
things that roll over in
your thoughts...

All the passions & loyalty
that rests in your heart...

Share those things!!!!!

But manifesting into
whomever you truly
will be ....

Might require the next step...

Share the not so good!

Share your fears and insecurities,
find a safe place, write it down
for yourself to see....

But set them free and you grow!

It has been said, even in recent
days that sharing your emotions,
distributing them publicly or
pronouncing them so...

Is a sign that you are starving for attention!

And in the same day...

Someone sends you are reading concerning
life and times you have been unconditionally
loved?

You are not always sure why comments,
people, events, feelings, friendships...

maybe even love

Show up on your front door....

And you do not have to be sure...

You just need to know they are there...


From my door step, down the stairs,
and a few feet away is my mailbox.

In my mailbox...

A letter sent to me....
written by me...

that I had given to
someone I trusted
and believed they
would understand
my request.

I wrote a letter to myself
about anything and everything
that was on my mind on that day
one year ago.

I thought about and wrote
about what I wanted my future
and my life to look and feel like.

I wrote it down. I let it go!

I let some go to set myself free

and

I let others go because I believed in my dreams

I have never seen the person again that I
gave this letter to. I did ask that one year
from today if they would put this
letter in the mailbox and send to me.

Sealed in an envelope, with extra postage..
I handed over my insides and believed one
year from now I would get this letter back...

I was not sure at the time, that the person
understood.

But it is clear they did....

because in that mailbox
right then
on that day
there was my letter.

To me.

From me.

Filled with me.

And with love ..... here is how it reads....

.....


Typing this letter would be so wrong. Get off the computer.
Write it down.

My left hand is tingling but that really seems like the only thing that has much sensation.
My heart and soul are quiet.
I am not sure when or how it will begin again but it has been beating for so long, too fast.....way too fast.
I am not nervous about the phone ringing. I am not looking for anyone to take this away. I am looking for
the final stage in this process. I have never felt this close, it feels numb but I am not numb, just quiet, reserved, waiting!

I understand what I can change and come to terms with what I cannot. I am somewhat fearful if I do not go the extra mile I will not have a reason to be loved. I am terrified that the reasons I succeed are because I give it away.

Where did that come from? I am the Queen of description! I know what I feel! I understand it! I get it!

And I guess I am wondering when peace comes. Now that I have figured out that no one can really make
what I crave whole and maybe even more substantial I think I chose things, people and places that might have widen my gaps or atleast kept the doors closed to an opening.

Why? Figuring out why I am on output is now important to me. Wanting something back I am figuring that out too.

Make a true list!

Things I really want.....

I do not want to worry about money. Why do I worry? Where is that coming from?

I want my heart and my head to slow down, to reconnect, to know their way.

I want to find rest in places I never knew I could find. I really want some rest.

I do not want to worry about how I look every second... but I want to take care of myself better than I ever have. I want what I do to continue to be about the "real stuff" ... no matter what the pressure feels like to make it a..."What I look Like" place. The Studio is part of me. It has been a daily learning experience.

I want to be settled!!!!! Peaceful!!!!! Not looking to make a change!!!!

Let's try one month no big changes. Go to the Studio, keep a schedule, write and for FOUR singular weeks no big changes. Write, Read, Be!

Write, read, be!
Write, read, be!
Write, read, be!

And let's see where you are at in a year when this letter arrives!

**************************************

And the letter ends.....


and here I am one year later....

NOT overnight!
NOT without lots of adventure!
NOT without lots of sadness!
NOT without lots of laughter!

and

NOT without an endless amount of WORK!

We do not become who we are over night
and we do not figure ourselves out
the very next day we decide to

and change is not hard...

but committing is!

And this little letter to myself
will be the first one
of many
that will arrive
year after year.

My only hope is one day
when writing one of these
letters...

That I have truly fallen in
love with me....

That the letter I write is
about the love I have
found in my heart
and figuring out that
there was room for me.

The Short Cuts

Each time the words come across
The page it is rarely about the person
Clicking away on the keyboard
It may certainly be a part of that
Person but it comes from

The People They Love

The People They Do Not Love

The People They Want To Love

The depth of your life not only
Shows in your face but also in the
Bottom of the door where
Your soul swings open the
Door and there..

Only there.

Your Pretty Sandals Sit

Some people like the truth
And never believe it

My most favorite part
Of a bike ride is at the end
And I take my bike shorts
Off!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not because I am happy
The ride is over
I want my bike shorts "off"
Because I feel trapped
In the fabric
No Space

And it would be great to
Think that I really love
Running around naked
But I just feel less judged
Then when I have clothes
On..

Sometimes your clothes
Can tell a story
You are not ready to share

But I like the truth
And like many others
I do not like it the first
Time I hear it

I am not sure I like it the Second Time I hear it

I am not sure I even hear it the First Time

I don't think I understand it even after
I am listening because before you
Speak the truth..

I feel judged!

I love what I do
And may stand on
My feet for the rest
Of my working days

But I KNOW sometimes
YOU feel judged!

And when you feel it
I want you to have the
Tools ..

To Think I can Hear This

To Open your mind
And know someday
You will understand
That you are not afraid
Of turning the resistance knob
Of your life

Or

Afraid you may only be able
To hold plank for seconds
Rather than minutes.

We will get there!

I am certain I LOVE
The NJ Housewives on Bravo
Because of the red-headed,
Italian, mama.

She speaks the truth so much
That they never put her in the
Little short cuts between segments

The only short segment I have
Seen with her in it

Clearly Benefits ME
And of course I am
Listening Then (smiling)

And her words flow
Right into my rumbling
Tummy and I no longer
Fear the recession

And for some reason
Begin to feel job security

So she says.

"Yes I can afford a personal trainer,
Yes I can make time to workout,
No I do not like how hard it is when I workout
But I do love the benefits ..wine, food, wine,
Oh yeah . My Health.back to wine,
Yes I am smart enough to know this is something
I have to do so I have a chance
To see what my family becomes
And Shame On Me if I do Not Do It!"

That is the only true statement I have
Heard in two weeks..
And she smiles
I laugh
And we all hope for one more day
So we can "get it!"

THERE IS NO HIDING

You know you cannot hide it!

When winter pulls away and the
Trees begin to whisper in the
Morning ... And you feel the
Fresh summer air renew your
Your happiness.

You know you cannot hide it!

You can wear all the right clothes
At just the right places always
With just the right crowd.
And you feel a rumble in your
Belly craving more.

You know you cannot hide it!

You can help, push and pull someone
To see what you see .. And . they
Turn their head at just the right
Time.. Each time. and never see.

There are beautiful people in the last
Place you look and there are people
With just that one angry thing
Holding on.. that are bigger than life.

There is a passion to be swimming when
You are standing still .. And a energy that
Begs for quiet. when it all gets to loud.

Friendship is not always the same
All around the world.
.
Some believe that hope and goodness have an ending point.

And most believe when you read something such
As this . that the writer . wants you to right your
Wrongs . change . become something "better"
Than what you are.

But what if the writer with the little hands and thumping
Heart. actually wants you to live like you want to..
Love like you want to. laugh like you want to ..
That much of what we hide is love, affection, caring..
Nurturing . and worth sharing.

Who you are, what you want, how you live, how you
Believe, how you love, how you inspire, how you take
Care of your mind and body, how you do every single
Thing with every single moment.

Even if moments pass you by or you give them away or you take hold of each
one.

Every moment your truth is unmasked.

And you cannot hide it!

SHE SAYS....

Distance thyself
and focus
on where thy future
could take you

and I move furniture

She Says....

It is not your
world but it is
your life

and I begin to stack wood

She Says....

Time is a gift
to give away
and
a gift you
can never take
back

and I begin to run

She says....

When your heart beats
you could lose
your way

and I stretch by the fire

She says....

When you are healed
and only have the
scars but
no pain
why strike again

and...

I close the
princess doors

my home has no
open doors

my heart no
longer has
revolving doors

spinning cd's
for no one

I lose my password
to amazon.com
and the little
books are gone

baking is now
and forever
protein shakes

She Says....

Did you find your way?

.... "no"

but I did find
the ground rules

and all is good

"In Unpopular Essays Bertrand Russell wrote, "Man is credulous animal and must believe in something. In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." Each type of pseudo-populism comes into being to improve or save its respective adherents from the absence of a moral or social framework, which means that even if we don't understand them fully, we are expected to place our faith in them. Although these pseudo-populist organizations are relatively small, they manage to influence governments, invoke terror, and control large sums of capital. Relatively speaking, none of them has a large following, but they do have intense ones. In a global context, all stand on the most narrow of pedestals, and all have successfully seized key levers of power."

REAPING WHAT YOU SOW

It was no great mystery to my grandfather what crop he would reap come harvest time, because he had carefully chosen the seeds, prepared the soil and defended his investment against damaging insects. As the old saying goes, he reaped what he sowed.

Today, by contrast, we face the business challenges os ISOW - Insecurity, Standards, Overwhelm and Work Ethic. (Think, "I reap what I SOW.) Faced with these challenges, I find that I sometimes yearn for the past, and I imagine myself transported back to my gloriously simple childhood and a place that I loved. I could run Free! I could yell at the top of my lungs, and all the space of acreage would absorb the sound. I work hard at keeping my life simple, yet, I, too frequently have to stop and ask myself, "Who am I becoming? What do I want? What do I believe? Does my business reflect my values and passions? Am I more concerned about character, honesty, integrity and quality than I am about accumulating money? Keep me close to the farm. Let me remember that happy, carefree child who loved the outdoors and yearned to teach someday. Grant me the ability and clarity to turn the 21st century business challenges into a personal, giving vocation. Keep me small, human and personal. And may we all humbly remember that what we reap what we sow.

WHAT WE SAY TO EACH OTHER

Timing. Timing. Timing.

Every thing we hear is pulled
Into our souls by our interpretation
At that moment.

Say the same exact thing at another
Time and what we hear... what we take
In is different.

Examples are endless... but some stand out as I live each day....

I love you.

For some.... they are looking into the eyes of their future and in that moment they are reminded why they love.
For some.... they are looking into the eyes of a person that has a place that no one may every touch, but to say those words back would be a lie.
For some... those words create a level of anxiety, a world of trust they may not believe in.

I have stood by people many times in each of these situations.
I have also been that person in every position.

And my answers, feelings and responses would be different today
Then ten years ago and ten years before that.

Timing!

There are a million of these moments, questions, words, answers,

Responses and feelings running through each of us every day.

On Monday you have the key to the world and on Friday you have no idea what world you are trying to open.

Men live through all the same situations as women and we need to stop
Leaving them out. Emotions are human.

There is safety in timing.... if you believe in it.

Learning to let time come, settle, pass and start over.

The only thing I am certain of other than
I believe in timing.....

Our my beliefs in what we say to each other ...
And their impact
Truly belongs to each person's ability to hear.

I am not always ready to hear the truth.
I am not always hearing what people are actually saying,
I carry my own set of stones in my belly and fires in my heart
And both are moved or set a flame by the words of another.

So here is my plan....

See if it works for you...

Every time I have "heard" something that truly caused a
Reaction in me....

Love....
Anger....
Fear....
Happiness....
Defensive....
Hope....
Friendship....
Acceptance...
Rejection....

If it moved me in another direction or made me question something good, bad or indifferent...

I SAID NOTHING! (really that is true) ha ha

I WROTE WHAT THE PERSON SAID DOWN FIVE TIMES!

AND EACH NIGHT I TOOK THOSE "WORDS" AND ATTEMPTED TO
COME UP WITH FIVE INTERPRETATIONS OF WHAT I WAS
HEARING.

Here are my conclusions thus far....

1. I need a dictionary
2. My interpretation has everything to do with me
3. Once I think I understand what the person said ... now ask questions
4. I have buttons, they get pushed. Interesting to see at the end of the
Day what/who seemed to be pushing what buttons.

And lastly.... I have always known time ... just time is precious ... it is the only
Real gift I believe we can give to one another....

The choice of where to spend my time either physically or mentally
Seems really clear after my game of interpretation...

And reality is in between..
my initial interpretation,
the interpretation I settled with hours later
and
the answers to the questions I began to ask.
Oh... and this one... big help.
NO ONE IS ABOVE HAVING THEIR BUTTONS PUSHED!

It is just what you do with it when you feel the push!

PLAYING HOUSE

Life is so interesting now
or
maybe I just started paying attention.

We all seem to be seeing more
feeling less
putting judgement aside
knocking down boundaries

and

one plus one, does not equal two anymore

and

when you ask someone a direct question
why can't they answer it?


If you say something aloud it then becomes real

something like wedding vows
stating your goals out-loud
telling the truth
telling a lie

or

chatty ass gossip

no one is above it
but
does it make it real

Do we create a truth that is not reality just by telling secrets?

Keeping confidence and being trustworthy
does not mean you never share
it means you choose your listening partners carefully.

It means you are sharing stories to grow, to understand, to grieve, to laugh, to love
BUT
You are sharing to be a better you
not hurt someone else

I talk all the time about
people, places, things

Some would say I share my own life much to freely
or
I am too private to break
or
The hours I spend alone should make me lonely

and
to date
I love this description of me best

She likes a schedule
She likes extended families
She likes to feel
She likes to eat well
She laughs at her midnight chocolate runs
She likes to drink in moderation and/or all day in summer
She dreams of dancing on bar tops in some Coyote Ugly Bar .... One day.... Some day
She likes to talk about everything
She likes to talk about nothing ~ silence is her friend
She is tough to bend but easily broken
and
She never shows her cards
the bluff is her friend
and
Everything is a test
which no one can fail
especially her

The only way she knows how to learn is to live!

Interesting?

Why do we think more about who is coming to our wedding, than who will be at our funeral?

Why do couples separate, marry, divorce?

Is it love if it is stable ~ where is the drama?

Why do people look at the tag if they love something?

Is it fair to be in love forever and never be in that place again?

When we laugh, giggle, drink too much and just be ~ why is there regret?

What is regret?

What is age?

What is an expectation?

What is a want?

When you ask someone, in one sentence

"Tell Me What You Want From Me"
and
you
send the definition of want
along with the email

What te-hell are you looking for?

I am willing to bet, you are looking for the same answers

you ask of
the committed coffee fairy
who never is late
the coffee is perfect

but hides their wings when they drop it off

You can't play house
You can't play life
You can't play mom
You can't play dad
You can't play divorce
You can't play marriage
You can't play friendship

If you want the real stuff you can't play the game

unless the game

IS

Try making every game you play a reality and see how close you come to winning!

MONDAY, MONDAY SO GOOD TO ME

Monday, Monday so good to me,
that is a song right?

It may be a tune I learn to hum
or
sing loudly in my cave
while dancing around in my princess terra.

You love Monday's when you like routine.
When you thrive on a schedule...
Feel safer with a plan...
and
Spend hours in a place you love.


No wonder I struggle with Sunday.


You love Monday's when you know you are guaranteed to see people you adore.
When you thrive on connection...
Feel safer if you are helping
and
Spend hours in a place you love.


No wonder I miss the Studio on weekends.


You love Monday's when you are sure something will happen to make you smile.
When you feel thrive on wanting everyone happy...
Feel safer if you are lending a hand
and
Spend hours in a place you love.


You might also like Monday's

If the someone leaves you your favorite coffee outside your door.
Or suddenly little painting supplies show up, so you can try painting your tree from across the lake.
It may even be the day you know you might be driving toward your destiny.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

ok

It could Also Be...


You may be closer to 40 than 30...
The state highway boys may be are working directly outside your home...

And

You may be aware most of your attention usually comes from a four legged friend...
And you have convinced yourself you are not desperate but selective, happy and free...
And

You may park in your driveway to the ringing of one of the highway boys yelling
"How are you today KID"

Note the Kid
Note he was kind when he said it
Note you are living in the smallest town on earth
Note You feel closer to 18 than 40

But

The Highway Guys Do Not Work Weekends ...

Monday, Monday so good to me
la, la, la, la, la, la
don't you see
why Monday's are so good for little ole' me
la, la, la, la, la

What?
I think men who get their hands dirty are hot!
Happy Monday!

SHE KEEPS SAYING IT

Have you ever seen a dog chase its' tail
or
Asked for something in your mind
something like a wish
but you do not even know it is there.

Can you have it all?

Should you want it all?

What is all?

If you stand toe to toe with your destiny
and
have no idea how you got there
do you trust yourself?

I have watched her without qualification
trust her heart.

I am amazed every-time she says
"It's just not time yet."

To know something with such certainty
to believe in something
without question.

Funny? Odd?

Ask yourself, right now, what do you believe in without question?

I have watched many a doggie chase its' tail.
I frequently chase mine.

Around and Around and Around.

But I have also watched many a doggie turn in a circle
Around and Around And Around
getting ready to rest
testing the ground to make it safe
to make it comfy.

There are people, places and things
that send us all
Around and Around and Around

We keep spinning
we may always spin
Around and Around And Around

But if we keep pausing in the same spots...
Stopping at the same road signs...
Returning to the same comfort zone...

What is that?

Is it habit?
Is it truth?
Is it weakness or strength?

Is it your deepest fear
or
Your wildest dream

Maybe it is both

But I stand in awe
as the story unfolds
and
every day takes shape

and

We all go Around, Around and Around

and

She continues to say
with eyes wide open

a heart more open than her eyes

and

a mind filled with reasons not to believe....

She really does say it
out-loud
looking me in the eye

"It's just not time yet."

I SEE YOU
There is not a moment that goes by that I do not see you.
I know what you are about to say, what you are afraid to say, what you want to say, what you cannot imagine saying and then you breathe.
Just breathe.
There is no pain that cannot be shared unless you wish for it to shackle you.
Just breathe.
There is no dream that cannot be announced unless you live without hope.
Just breathe.
There is no experience that can hold you in one place forever unless you do not want to move.
Just breathe.
There is not another single person on this earth who holds your same pain, unless you share your pain with them.
Just breathe.
There is no time in your life you will be wanting unless you never realize all you have right now in this moment.
Just breathe.
There is no happiness you cannot feel unless your fear of splendid emotions is covered by locked doors in your soul.
Just breathe.
Gather up your thoughts, breathe.
Gather up your desires, breathe
Gather up your fear, breathe
Gather up your love, breathe
Gather up your pain, breathe
Gather up your laughter, breathe
Gather up your courage, breathe
Inhale
Exhale
let go …. Just say the words… You are set free
Be Still
Inhale
Breathe
Breathe Baby, Just Breathe

ONE WEEK LATER

In a single week
day by day you
seem to find a
new way

A place you could
not find
one week ago

What now is laughter
was then tears...

Heading toward Monday

Monday is something
like a deep breathe
when you most need
to ...

you need something

that Monday never brings
but Sunday is full of

and

everyone has a favorite day

Tonight is something
like a deep breathe
when you need
to ...

you need something

Something that leaves a mark
a place on your body that shows
a place in your mind that holds

holds on tight

Year in and Year out

But Monday comes around
again and again

And now you love Sundays

because what you need has
been found

and

never give in to what
others accept
if it does not
work for you

random texts never work
they are the things that
get you a reaction but
not an emotion

voicemail another story
you actually hear emotion
but you cannot touch it

The voicemails that tell you

that the only way to help

is to

Hug

that the only way to help
is face to face

If Monday is around
the corner
hours away

and

a single text takes
one minute away
from your Sunday

Take that minute back
and
never give it away again

My little note to VPR ... and the book "I feel bad about my neck"

I am excepting a gift from a friend.

A book.

A book they have heard a review of on VPR about menopause and thoughts on
being a woman.

Knowing I struggle with menopause and all that comes with it I excepted
the gift ready to find hope. Per my friend, the review on VPR stated, I
would be laughing.

Well, I did evrything but laugh.

Everything in the chapters were true. The facts are the facts.

Growing Older.

Aging.

The empty nests.

The maintenance of just being a woman.

Menopause.

Nora Ephron told a very truthful story.

However, her book, "I Feel Bad About My Neck", brought all my attention to
the negative of any experience I have had, or will have during the aging
process.

I am a woman.

I am aging.

I am in menapause.

And I am looking for support! Not additions to my fears!

I am also, a professional personal trainer and business owner in the
health field. There is not "one single" day that passes without a
discussion with a woman about one or any of the topics described in "I
Feel Bad About My Neck."

However, no one is laughing!

Most women I know would tell their stories very much the same but with
sadness, confusion or a wanting to be understood as they venture on into
their lives.

I only hope that VPR finds another book review that captures the same
truths but with a nurturing focus.

We all need a little positive!

Keely Punger

TIME ON MY HANDS

Being sick slows it
all down.

Makes you ponder.

Makes you feel the
depth of your body
and the gift of health.

To imagine that the virus
will be gone in a day or
two...

But...

Others fight disease every
day. Every single day.

There are very few things
not reflected upon with
three days of the flu.

Imagine reflecting on
a lifetime daily.

And this seems to be
the place courage
opens the door.

It takes courage to settle
your mind and fight for your
life daily.

It takes courage to put yourself
in the equation. Cherish and love
your health ... and continue to
use it.

Being tested will come in many
forms.

Some tests will be worse for
you than for others.

Some crush at a broken heart...

while

Others show no sign of life
till a limb is broken.

It is not dramatic to stop
and look where you are..
where you are headed...
and what is in front of you...

Actually

Most who search deeply
daily have an immense
amount of courage.

Trust Yourself.

Stand in front of the mirror.
Look at yourself.
Talk to yourself.
Have a dialog with the things
people cannot see.

Find your truth.

Find your way.

I WONDER IF SHE KNOWS

I often wonder if she knows
That I would rather spend time
With her than any other place
In the world right now

I wonder if she knows
That someday she will realize
She changes lives
By just doing her job

I wonder if she knows
I get how hard she works
I respect her as a mother
I do not live and die by her word
But I am listening when she speaks

I wonder if she knows
That I love looking out
Her window
And feeling the sun on my face

I wonder if she knows
That I am trying
I am not failing
She is not failing
Even on the worse day
I see the way

I wonder if she knows
That I am grateful
And lucky to have her
In my life

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........

No one told me to not tell

Thinking
we all knew
seemed like a
masterful plan

SHHHH...........

Don't you hear it?

I thought everyone
heard it

I would of sworn
someone told me
that

Has the past changed?

Have I lost track?

Maybe

But I do remember
someone telling someone
else I love you
just yesterday

But I do remember
watching two friends
smile and laugh
as tears run down
their faces
just yesterday

But I do remember
listening to what
my friends blurted out
in support
as others
turned away
just yesterday

You were friends once
you will always be

I loved you dearly
i will always love you

You wanted so much
I wanted so much
we always will

We are all tucked away
in each other's
hearts, laughter, smiles,
tears, thoughts, joys,
fear, anger, sadness

and we pop our heads out
once in awhile

and speak with
a little bird song

But someday

One day

we will pop our heads out
every day

and claim who we are
and
love ourselves

FRIDAY COMES

Most of the time
you wait for Friday...

You want the weekend
to come...

If the weekend comes
and Friday is the beginning
of letting go....

Would you want it to come?

If you looked in the eyes
of your family and knew
once again you would
be leaving....

Would you want the weekend to come?

When you let go once
it feels impossible to
let go of the same thing
twice...

And if Friday becomes
a loss
what will the weekend bring...

Our lessons come every single
day....

If only we could open our
hearts every single day...

Monday through Thursday
might seem so much
different

And when Friday came
all you would think about is...

More time for me to
"open" my heart
not shut it down

It is amazing how we all
feel about time "off" ...
the weekends, Friday's
and nothing at all....

Which Means Everything....